The Reason for Tonight

Tonight, I am tiring myself with my thoughts and typing away not because I want to tell the whole world who I am and what I am thinking. The truth is... there is this man a million miles away whom I think I still care about and wish I could speak to... But I am afraid that talking to him would end up with me getting hurt.

I have already been hurt a lot because of feeling a million things for him.

It is not cowardice.

The wounds are still fresh and no matter how strong I think I am or how capable I believe I am of the choice I have made to be strong, I know I am simply not ready to hear certain things...

I wish I could tell him all these. I wish I could tell him that I really want to talk to him like old times and catch up. But I still care too much. I still miss him at times. I still think of him a lot - more than I should. And so I think I am simply not ready to speak to him for a million or one reason.

If my words ever find there way to you, I hope you could know how much I want to speak with you. But I doubt if you feel the same way.

And for a million reasons, despite the fact that I know you... I almost doubt if I should even begin to think of speaking with you.

Someday... I wish you could manage to say to me even just a hi.