I'm not feeling so good today. It all started yesterday. Of course I've already come to the conclusion that it may simply be hormonal and I tend to search for some reason to associate with it. And it was normal for you to come up first.

I woke up yesterday thinking of you. I've been fancying your cousin for some time now and all of a sudden it had to be you.

I deserve to be happy you know...

If you're the least bit happy, you should at least be wishing me well. Before all this happened, I've been pushing myself to strive even harder because I always believed you were doing quite well. You should at least wish me the same.

If you've forgotten me and are quite happy and content about it, you should allow me to be happy and set me free.

I've shut all I need to shut. And I no longer want to open them all up and hurt myself. But right now at this very moment, I'm crying for the second time today.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

I miss you.

I'm not supposed to but I do. Maybe if I met you, I would have hated you. I would have hated your bear belly and tobacco scent. I am pretty sure I would have hated a million things about you.

And yet I fell for something that no longer exists for me and I should and must take this all out of me.

It hurts you know. Hurting hurts. And I no longer want to suffer.

If you're one least bit happy, I deserve to be happy, too.